I’ve decided I should no longer have to work. Instead, I should be allowed to read (or write) all day long. I would like to present my case for early retirement.
First, I’m not able to handle the stress of working. When I work, I grind my teeth, tense my muscles, produce excess acid in my stomach, and experience one sleepless night after another. However, reading (or writing) a book makes me laugh and relax and helps my digestive system function smoothly. I admit I still experience sleepless nights, but only because I’m staying up late to finish a book. (And if I weren’t working, I could sleep late the next morning.)
Second, I could save a lot of money if I were constantly reading instead of working. You see, when I start reading (or writing) a book, I become totally absorbed. I don’t eat or leave the house or even shower until the book is finished. So I could save a lot of money on food, gas and water. This substantial savings should more than compensate for my lost wages.
Third, I am thoroughly convinced that everything about real life is stressful, and reading (or writing) a book is a wonderful drug-free way to escape reality and experience bliss.
Fourth, I now have a group of fans who demand I publish more books. I feel very responsible for their health and wellbeing. These faithful readers might suffer with tension and anxiety, worrying about when I will find time to finish the next book. I can’t let them down.
Don’t you agree?