I write about romance and relationships all the time. I don’t know what qualifies one as an expert, but I’ve been married to a very romantic man for thirty-three years, raised two awesome daughters, and mentored young people throughout my married life. For that reason, I’ve given a lot of relationship advice over the years. So, I wasn’t surprised when one of my readers contacted me on the website asking for love advice. I got her permission to publish her question on the blog, along with my answer (although we changed the names, of course.) Now she can have my advice, and perhaps you might offer your own thoughts, as well. I’m addressing it, Dear Mom, just for fun.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend, Mark, for six years. We’ve discussed marriage before, but he always skirts the subject. He treats me well and says he loves me, but he doesn’t seem interested in commitment. I love him very much, but I’m twenty-nine years old and I’d like to get married and have children. Should I push him into making a commitment? I think Mark would probably agree to get married if I insisted, rather than breaking up. But I don’t know if a marriage would be good if he felt like I forced him into it.
This may sound a bit harsh. In my personal opinion, you shouldn’t waste your life and love on a man who can’t commit. Women need security, and we can’t feel secure with a man who won’t commit to us for whatever reason. Perhaps, if you give Mark a push, he will turn things around and commit himself wholeheartedly for the rest of your lives. But if not… even if he agrees to marriage, but doesn’t assure you of his commitment to you, I don’t think you should stay with him. Believe me, I’ve been married for thirty-three years to a man who would die for me or his daughters. It’s a wonderful blessing to have that kind of love, and you deserve that! Everyone does.
It’s quite likely that something in Mark’s past may be making this decision difficult for him. But marriage is hard, hard work. It requires two people who agree to work through every problem. Commitment is key to making a marriage work. Feelings come and go. You have to be as committed to a marriage as a mother is committed to a child. You can’t decide to quit when things become unpleasant. (Please note, I’m not referring to circumstances such as abuse.) I hope Mark can find the strength to make this commitment. If not, I hope you can bear the pain of breaking up, and I hope you find someone who will return your committed love as you deserve.
What do you think? Good advice? Bad idea?
Or maybe you’d like to ask Dear Mom for some relationship advice, too.